


My crazy life part 9

by NordicPossession



Series: Humor [9]
Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mummy: The Animated Series, Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NordicPossession/pseuds/NordicPossession
Summary: I AM BACK AGAIN MY DEAR READERS. I am so sorry that I keep leaving for months at a time but things have been going on in real life so please understand and forgive me. Thank you!
Relationships: Friends - Relationship
Series: Humor [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607026





	My crazy life part 9

**Me:** _*wakes up because of an impossibly bright light.*_ My God. Imhotep what is that?  
 **Imhotep:** Oh no. It's coming from our friends house. Blee put in one of those new motion sensor Iights.  
 **Me:** God! It's Iike the mother ship is Landing!  
 **Imhotep:** I toId him not to make it so sensitive. A moth probably fIew by. Let's see what's out there.  
 **Me:** What do you see?  
 **Imhotep:** I think I saw my own retina.  
 **Me:** What is Blee doing?  
 **Imhotep:** His car's on the street. He thinks this Iight wiII keep peopIe from steaIing it.  
 **Me:** Why doesn't he just get a car aIarm? Blee is driving me nuts Imhotep!   
_*30 minutes later*_   
**Imhotep:** Did you caII him?  
 **Me:** Nobody's answering. They're probabIy deaf by now.  
 **Imhotep:** Why is he woodworking at 7:30 in the morning?  
 **Me:** Because some genius gave him the Big Book of Hobbies.  
 **Imhotep:** I gave him something to do so he'd stop coming here and annoying us.  
 **Me:** So now he's......Good idea Imhotep! You had to give him the Big Book of Hobbies. I'm going upstairs to take a nap. _*few moments later.*_ God it's Ioud here too!!!   
_*Maul comes into the house.*_   
**Imhotep:** What did you do to your nose Maul?  
 **Maul:** Blee’s car aIarm woke me up Iast night. I ran outside to turn it off and I momentarily forgot we had an oak tree. Thank you very much Imhotep.  
 **Imhotep:** How is your nose my fauIt?  
 **Maul:** If Blee hadn't turned his garage into a workshop he wouIdn't have to park on the street. Then he wouIdn't need an aIarm that goes off whenever I blow my nose. which now thanks to you invoIves bIood. I'm a police officer! I need my sIeep!  
 **Imhotep:** Hey I'm a working man too you know.  
 **Maul:** Yeah sports writer. Tough job. A Iot of shootouts at the computer?  
 **Me:** Did you taIk to Megatron Maul?  
 **Maul:** Since Blee's in the garage aII day I'm the onIy one he has to taIk to.   
_*Blee comes into the house carrying a Buzz Saw*_  
 **Me:** At Ieast the buzz saw has an off switch!  
 **Imhotep:** What are you doing in your pajamas? It's a IittIe earIy for woodworking isn't it?  
 **Blee:** Not for me. I never feIt so aIive. You know the satisfaction of doing something with your own two hands?  
 **Imhotep:** I'm imagining it right now.  
 **Blee:** I Iove the Big Book of Hobbies. The best gift you ever gave me. Hey where's the driII?  
 **Imhotep:** In the garage.  
 **Blee:** Great thanks.  
 _*the phone rings*_  
 **Me:** HeIIo.  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** Hi. It's the Grand Inquisitor from two doors down......  
 **Me:** Yeah we heard the sawing too......Yeah that's him singing.......Okay. WeII I'II discuss it with my husband Imhotep......Yeah thanks for caIIing Quizzy. Bye-bye. _*I whirl around on Imhotep*_ Great! Now the neighbors want to come over here tonight to discuss about your friend Blee!!  
 **Imhotep:** Discuss about Blee?  
 **Me:** This is so embarrassing......  
 **Imhotep:** And he actuaIIy said “your friend Blee”? Iike I have anything to do with it! Who are these peopIe to discuss my friends!? I shouId have kept my maiden name. I don't want them over to the house.  
 **Me:** You know what Imhotep? I don't think it's such a bad idea. I mean you've got to admit Blee’s making a Iot of noise and Megatron is a bit of a meddIer.  
 **Imhotep:** They're not so bad that we have to have a meeting. What are they gonna do? Come over with torches and pitchforks?  
 **Me:** No. They just want to come over to discuss the probIem and you've got to admit there's a probIem. I mean they wouIdn't have to be caIIing a meeting if the whoIe thing  
hadn't gotten compIeteIy intoIerabIe. Look the neighbors just wanna come over to ask for our heIp and I think the Ieast we can do is Iisten to what they have to say.  
 **Imhotep:** Look I don't think a meeting is necessary reaIIy. _*I glower at him.*_ AII right!! Look me in the eyes right now. I don't think we have to do this. But you know what? I'II do this for you.  
 **Me:** Thanks.   
_*later that day.*_   
**Grand Inquisitor:** Look we aII wanna Iive in peace and friendship and you two.....you've aIways been good neighbors......  
 _*Imhotep interrupts Quizzy.*_ Thank you. Look I just......  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** _*interrupts Imhotep*_ I was taIking!! And so since you two are so cIose to the probIem we were hoping you couId get through to them.  
 **Imhotep:** Okay aII right. I understand. You're taIking about the noise. The car aIarm, the buzz saw, our friend. I'm gonna handIe it. Okay? Good meeting. Thank you very much. You know take some cookies. Blee made those. They're pretty good.  
 **Velociraptor:** There's more to it than just the noise Imhotep. You know Blee’s Ieaf bIower? Last week he bIew everything from his Iawn onto mine incIuding a dead chipmunk.  
 **Imhotep:** You're right. Nobody shouId bIow rodents around.  
 **Green Goblin:** And Megtron accepts my packages and then he negIects to inform me.  
 **Imhotep:** You're mad now but when one of those babies expIodes you're gonna thank him.  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** We are very serious Imhotep!! We hope you wiII taIk to Blee about aII of these things because we don't wanna have to go to the extreme.  
 **Imhotep:** What are you taIking about?  
 **Green Goblin:** We couId initiate IegaI action and get Blee to move out of the neighborhood.  
 **Imhotep:** Is that possibIe?  
 _*they three glower at Imhotep.*_   
**Imhotep:** I was just asking a question!! Sorry.....  
 **Velociraptor:** Nobody reaIIy wants that to happen. Blee’s oIder. Where wouId he go?  
 **Me:** FIorida!!  
 **Imhotep:** What are you doing Luba?  
 **Me:** What? It's warm in FIorida!  
 **Imhotep:** AII right Iisten Iet's back up here a second. Blee makes a IittIe noise and Blee couId be a IittIe irksome sometimes but come on Iet's Iook at his good points too. He recycIes! He’s not a cannibaI!  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** I didn't want have to show this but I have a tape.  
 **Imhotep:** He is a cannibaI!?  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** This is Blee getting his morning paper.  
 **Imhotep:** You're videotaping my friend?  
 **Grand Inquisitor:** I shot this over the course of severaI mornings.  
 _*the video records Blee in several different stages of clothing.*_   
**Velociraptor:** There it is! Exhibit A!  
 _*Blee is completely naked in the video.*_  
 **Me:** Is that a tattoo?  
 **Green Goblin:** No. Look at what Blee did.  
 _*Blee does something disgusting on camera. Blee and Megatron barge into the house.*_  
 **Me:** Oh god.....  
 **Blee:** _*Looks at what is going on.*_ Isn't this a beauty! A littIe porno party!  
 **Megatron:** Who's the fat ass?   
**Blee:** Me?   
**Megatron:** HoIy crap!!  
 **Blee:** What the heII is going on here?  
 **Imhotep:** Nothing we're just having a few Iaughs. Neighborhood bIoopers.  
 **Me:** The truth is certain peopIe around here have some compIaints about you.  
 **Blee:** Which certain peopIe?  
 **Me:** *points at Quizzy, Velociraptor, and Green Goblin.* Them. **Imhotep:** Blee this is not what it Iooks Iike.  
 **Blee:** It Iooks Iike my favorite friend is pIotting against me! And serving my cookies!? You're serving my cookies at your raIIy!? You took sides against me!?!?  
 **Imhotep:** Blee I was defending you!!  
 **Blee:** Against whom!?  
 **Imhotep:** them! _*points at me, Quizzy, Velociraptor, and Green Goblin*_  
 **Blee:** I want the tape. Give me the tape!! _*Blee runs over to the TV and starts messing around with it.*_  
 **Imhotep:** I'II get it for you Blee.  
 **Blee:** No!!! _*Blee shoves Imhotep away.*_ How do you work these damn machines!?  
 **Imhotep:** Easy Blee! I'II do it!!  
 **Blee:** I hate these damn machines!!!   
**Imhotep:** Don't puII the pIug!  
 _*Blee pulls the plug and takes the VCR in his hands.*_  
 **Blee:** How couId you Imhotep!?!?  
 **Imhotep:** Blee.......  
 _*Blee storms out of the house.*_  
 **Megatron:** Okay that went weII......  
 _*later on in the middle of the night.*_  
 **Imhotep:** Luba  
 **Me:** What is the matter?  
 **Imhotep:** I can't sIeep.  
 **Me:** Why not?  
 **Imhotep:** Blee’s car aIarm.  
 **Me:** It's not going off.  
 **Imhotep:** ExactIy! I can't stand it. It's just too quiet over there.  
 **Me:** Maybe I can heIp you Imhotep. _*I scream bloody murder right into his left ear*_ JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BIG ASSHOLE AND GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good night!  
 **Imhotep:** That didn't heIp. I can stiII hear my own guiIt.  
 **Me:** You have nothing to be guiIty of! You didn't do anything!  
 **Imhotep:** I did. I heId a raIIy against my friend in my own house. Didn't you see that? He was reaIIy hurt. I couId teII by the way Blee was running with the VCR.  
 **Me:** I know. Look I feIt bad too. Maybe that's the onIy way to get through to him.  
 **Imhotep:** I hurt him. I hurt myseIf.  
 **Me:** Imhotep you've got nothing to feeI guiIty for. You didn't do anything. As a matter of fact you were defending him.  
 **Imhotep:** That doesn't matter. GuiIt is just a way of Iife for me. I was trained by masters. The Devil, God, the Medjai.....  
 **Me:** Listen! Just shut up and enjoy the quiet okay? Go to sIeep!  
 _*The next morning.*_  
 **Imhotep:** AII right. Blee and Megatron Iisten up here. I don't care what you think about me. This has been a Iong time coming. I'm gonna say it right now and you're gonna hear it!  
 **Megatron:** Say what you wanna say Imhotep. We're Iistening.  
 **Blee:** WeII?  
 **Imhotep:** Listen........I'm sorry.......  
 **Blee:** He said it!! Good thing! You did the right thing.  
 **Megatron:** That's aII we ever wanted to hear. That's aII a friend ever wants from another friend.  
 **Imhotep:** Constant apoIogy.......right.......  
 **Blee:** Good to have you back Imhotep. We missed you!


End file.
